Monday, April 15, 2013

soulful work

we have survived. 

oh boy. the last time i posted was march 28th. don't worry, i'm not quitting. the last couple weeks just happened to be a little rough.

first there was easter weekend. busy. we took cal to an easter egg hunt but he just cried. i would have to. they stuck a bazillion 1-2 year olds in a 12x12 area with a kazillion eggs. at that point its like, forget the candy and get me outta here before these kids eat me! then we had dinner at c.krill's aunt's house. it was fabulous and we had a great time.

the week after easter was an interesting one for me. let's just say it was super hormonal (is that word allowed?) and i was super unmotivated to do ANYTHING. that included blogging. sorry peeps, but if its between spending the energy i have on keeping my son alive and writing to you, well, its an obvious answer really.

the weekend got better but come monday, the poo hit the fan. it hit baby krill first. that kid vomited for 7 hours! he couldn't keep anything down and was only content sitting on my lap. awwww. to be honest, i kind of enjoyed his cuddles and i also kinda wanted to work on some projects. he woke up the next morning feeling pretty chipper, but it was my turn. i also vomited for 7 hours and had to call my husband home to take care of jr. i was incapable. and i was scaring him. he kept signing "all done" and crying for me to stop. he wanted to cuddle and put his blanket on me. kinda sweet, but i also would have preferred some privacy.

then c.krill got it, though he never threw up, there were other symptoms, if you know what i mean. as soon as i thought all was well with the world, jr gets sick again and starts pooping up a storm. i'm talking soup poop (tmi?). so then you have a whole slew of problems, including, but not limited to, diaper burn, anxiety, midnight diaper checks, midnight baths, excessive use of paper towel, etc.


the other night c.krill and i were watching a movie and we could literally smell the poo coming from cal's room. it was horrendous. he was asleep of course. i don't know how but he was peaceful until i woke him up, stuck him in the tub and pulled him out again. that happened twice that night.

BUT the Lord was merciful. besides the aforementioned night, jr slept a lot! he even took 2 naps during the day which helped c.krill and i both recover as well.


oh guess what i did this morning? cleaned up poop off my floor, rug and couch. i guess you saw that one coming.

anyway, in the midst of all this i thought, "oh it would be so nice to be on a beach somewhere, by myself, having a long island iced tea, relaxing." then i would surf the book of faces, and see my babyless friends going on grand adventures and not cleaning up poop. i got envious. and a little bitter.

a week (or more) of vomit, poop and whining will do something to you. it will make you wish for a different life. but then i held my son and rocked him to sleep last night. he was so beautiful, his long lashes kissing his cheeks, the steady rhythm of his chest rising and falling, his pursed lips, dry from a little dehydration, rosy cheeks. he held onto the collar of my shirt, his blankie pulled up under his chin. could, or would, i really give him up to travel and relax where ever i wanted?


no. no i wouldn't.

i can't take travel to heaven. i can't take money, possessions, cute curtains to heaven. i do, however, have the opportunity, with my son, to cultivate a spirit, a heart and a body that yearns for Jesus Christ. i can help raise a man whose concern is for the gospel. i can (God willing) take my son to heaven.

i find that when i become bitter or jealous that my perspective is an earthly one, a sin of my flesh. but when i redirect my focus to eternal things, my heart becomes peaceful and i am contented. contentment is the place i love most.

"one always gets to decide what is mindless work and what is soulful work." ann voskamp

my work is soulful work because i said so, because the Lord told me it is. for now that work is cleaning up after my son, loving my son. 

i guess what i am trying to say is that, cleaning up poop can be a Godly endeavor. 

amen.